VIII.XI.MMX

Today marks exactly 11 years since my suicide attempt. I do reflect upon that day, the experience and the aftermath, it would be odd if I didn’t. It is a day of mixed emotions not only for me but my wife. We both recognise the significance of the day without having to say anything to one another and yes, I do go quiet.

I ask myself is it a cause for celebration, an odd choice of words, but in a way, yes, because I was one of the fortunate ones and survived and life should be celebrated.

As the years go by, I focus less on the factors that contributed to my suicide attempt, not forgetting them, but they are history, and I cannot change what happened. I can’t help reliving the actual day in my mind and the last few hours and even now can feel the pain and anguish of that day. I acknowledge that, and if it will be an emotion that I live with, then so be it. At the same time, I recognise how it keeps me grounded and that as humans, we all have a vulnerable side.

I have so many aspects to be grateful for:
– The police found me in time
– The paramedics
– The hospital staff

I was fortunate to have a great crisis team, psychiatrist and access to CBT which was life changing.

But above all, I had the love and support from my family who I know were hurt deeply by my actions that day. For them, it came from nowhere.

It is what has happened subsequently, what the experience has given me that is the important bit. I regularly share the story of my experience to organisations. I deliver mental health awareness and suicide prevention training. I have met some truly inspirational people along the way and have been privileged to be a small part of some of the great work that is taking place around the country and seeing the suicide prevention movement growing.

Together we can make a difference: recognising the signs, knowing how to ask and knowing how to support anyone in a moment of crisis and take them to a place of safety.